no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
