I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
