Sry I called you an 8
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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