First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
