I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
