Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
