Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
