thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize