I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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