She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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