Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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