Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
