Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
