I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
