Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
