I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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