maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
