First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize