She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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