Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
