I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
