You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
