Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry mrOysterhead hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(619): View more from California

I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.

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(386): View more from Florida

According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work

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(503): View more from Oregon

How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?

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(956): View more from Texas

You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.

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(214): View more from Texas

How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.

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(909): View more from California

well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah

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