Apparently you make a good broom.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize
