my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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