I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
