he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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