saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
