If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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