Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
