New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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