god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
