I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
sarcasm needs its own font
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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