So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize