Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize