R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
