the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
