YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
