is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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