I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
