I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
