When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
