I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
