I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
