The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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