ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just pynch a tree in the face
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize