at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
