Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
