So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
pray to the hookup gods
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize