remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
