I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
