I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
