thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
