I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
