I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
