Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have tasted many bathrooms
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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