Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
