thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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