this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize