i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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