the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
