this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
