I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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