I hate your face
420 ftw
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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